Guest Blogger: Brother, Part 3 – Day 3… Porcelain Toilets and Plastic Sinks

I am brother to Nomads, and Guncle to Scoutdoors. I recently endured an entire week with these Looney Tunes in their Wheel Home. These are my stories. ₰DUH-DUH₰

Every wheel home I have ever had the pleasure of relieving myself in outside of the Great Outdoors has been equipped with the finest plastic commodes I could never imagine. Too short, cheap plastic, and weird flush mechanisms that are so close to the pool I’ve seen little girls place their Barbie’s life jackets on them just in case the lever falls in with the stew. And then there are the wash sinks. They are tiny, plastic, and the water temperature is about as easy to control as the temperature in a hot cocoa machine at a gas station. Wheel home facilities are strange, very strange. Like, Stranger Things strange. Stranger things have happened, though. So, naturally, just when I thought stranger facilities couldn’t possibly exist, I found one, and it’s in the Newborn Nomad’s wheel home. It is almost exactly like your brick and mortar home commode… a shiny porcelain bowl, a comfy form fitting seat and water; EXCEPT, you get to flush it with a pedal on the floor. How cool is THAT?! But wait! There’s MORE! By way of poor design, the damn thing is HEATED. Yes folks, a heated toilet that you get to flush with a pedal on the floor. Every Snowbird’s dream, every germaphobes phantasy. The Nomads are lucky. But that isn’t even the best of it. You won’t believe how it is heated. Good old fashioned, American Blue Collar ingenuity, that’s how! SOMEONE had their hard-thinker-engineer cap on when they made this thing. Do you know where the heater vent is for the entire bathroom? UNDER THE TOILET. Yep, that’s right. The toilet is heated by the same vent that heats the ENTIRE bathroom. Super-cool, super-smart, super-efficient, right? Well, no. Not really. The idea is great until you actually have to get up at 2am on a chili, Canadian night to take a number dookie and you experience it first cheek. I won’t share much, but I’ll tell you this much… this commode in the Nomad’s wheel home redefines what at ‘Hot Shit’ really is. One screaming Guncle, one ice pack, a tube of burn cream and a dip in Niagara later and the back of my thighs have almost regained their sensitivity. Despite the flawed design, the wheel home commode is quite nice about an hour after the heat goes off. You can catch a glimpse of this safety hazard in our Facebook Live video. Speaking of which… Did you catch our Facebook Live video? If you didn’t, you are missing out, and you should stop reading right now and watch it this very moment. Now, usually, I am not one to spoil my fellow socialite’s cinematic adventures, but I will tell you there is a spicy scene with a 6’ 4” Milk Maid in the shower… and there is NO CURTAIN. So, get over to the video part of this Nomad Family’s blog and get yourself some cinemaction!






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